I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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