I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize