there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
