Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
