I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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