She said her name was "party"
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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