During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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