She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
