why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
