The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
