how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
