Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
