Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
