The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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