I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize