Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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