I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
