hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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