sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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