people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
