Nicole vs. Life
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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