I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
