Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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