dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
