Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
