I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
