i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
