PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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