Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
