He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
