I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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