I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
