Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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