You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
