I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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