Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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