he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
