So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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