you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
