it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
