No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
