remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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