??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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