I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
