Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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