oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
