Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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