Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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