i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
