dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
