I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
