I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
