Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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