I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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