just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
