he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
