Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
