ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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