Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
