My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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