So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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