just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
