why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
