i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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