You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
