I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
