I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
