Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Randomize
